I got sauced at Festival Italiano

Geoff, Christopher and I attended "Festival Italiano" over the weekend. Enjoyed some sausage, beer and wine. Who knew there were so many goombahs in the mile high city?

As a result I found and "borrowed" this. I understand most of it. After all, I'm only one quarter Italian. The quarter of Sicilian made me say that.

42 Things You Know About Growing Up Italian

01. You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day for an entire year after a funeral. I believe this seeing as I've seen pictures of my relatives wearing black to pleasant occasions.

02. You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was pronounced "sangwich." Not this one.

03. Your family dog understood Italian. I do believe she did.

04. Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents and extended family. When we lived closely enough.

05. You've experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50 square feet of yard during a family cookout. More than once.

06. You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven. I can't spell FDA, but isn't the daily meal rather a continuous event?

07. You thought killing the pig each year and having salami, capacollo, pancetta and prosciutto hanging out to dry from your shed ceiling was absolutely normal. (Wow, that's really Italian!) We did butcher a pig before I was 10.

08. You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday, and laughed at the commercial for Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti day. I laughed at Chef Boyardee, actually.

09. You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and that the price of everything was negotiable through haggling. I grew up in California, so they were always cheap. Now they're people. Email me if you want to know the difference between a fruit and a vegetable.

10. You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven. Unless you were Jennifer. But I love you Jennifer.

11. You thought everyone's last name ended in a vowel. No shit!

12. You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles. The thought of this reminds me of that "old person's smell."

13. Your Mom's main hobby is cleaning. Hi Aunt Yolanda!

14. You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores. No, I thought it always came from the deli.

15. You thought that everyone made their own tomato sauce. Yes, I did.

16. You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday for that matter. No, they converted so I didn't have to.

17. You ate your salad after the main course. When you start eating dinner at 9 in the morning, it's hard to keep track.

18. You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world. See 16.

19. You were beaten at least once with a wooden spoon or broom. Geoff, you want to take this one?

20. You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your hand. Still do.


21. You can understand Italian but you can't speak it. Only the bad words.

22. You have at least one relative who came over on the boat. Hell yes.

23. All of your uncles fought in a World War. Not sure. We've got Korea and Vietnam covered.


24. You have at least six male relatives named Tony, Frank, Joe or Louie. I've got a Frank or two, but not Calabraise.

25. You have relatives who aren't really your relatives. Check.

26. You have relatives you don't speak to. Double check.

27. You drank wine before you were a teenager. Wine, brandy, annisette...

28. You relate on some level, admit it, to the Godfather and the Sopranos - forrgetttabbboutit! Don't ask me about my business!

29. You grew up in a house with a yard that didn't have one patch of dirt that didn't have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it. Yeah, so what?

30. Your grandparent's furniture was as comfortable as sitting on plastic. Wait!!!! You were sitting on plastic. There was an entire checklist to taking a shower at Edith's. I pity the fool who didn't follow directions.

31. You thought that talking loud was normal. IT ISN'T!!!???


32. You thought sugared almonds and the Tarantella were common at all weddings. Yep, and I forgot I did.

33. You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives. My cheeks are still sore. And they're the wrong cheeks.

34. Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family no matter what their age. And my aunt, and grandmother, and ....

35. There was a crucifix in every room of the house. Yes, but in my case because of the nontalian.

36. Wakes would be held in someone's living room. And still are.

37. You couldn't date a boy without getting approval from your father. (Oh, and he had to be Italian) N/A, but a good rule.


38. You called pasta "macaroni". And I know the difference between sweet sausage and mild.

39. You dreaded taking out your lunch at school. Actually, I think I did.

40. Going out for a cup of coffee usually meant going out for a cup of coffee over Zia's house. I think we always handled our coffee in house.


41. Every condition, ailment, misfortune, memory loss and accident was attributed to the fact that you didn't eat something. This may be the best of the list!

42. Those of you who get this...YOU KNOW to whom to pass it!